Bankrupt
by ZenryokuKirby
Summary: Learn and discover how our favorite Smash characters overcome of being... BANKRUPT! Will they succeed, or will they perish in their own filthy desires? *Story contains gayness
1. Bankrupt?

Bankrupt

Please read and review. Also, I'm not the type to have romance in theirs, unless their comical loves, so if you really want some, please tell me! This will likely be a humor fan fiction. Hope you enjoy! If you don't, Mickey mouse will come to your room at midnight, dance the chicken dance, and force you to do it too.

I got this idea by singing "Money, money" by ABBA while reading a Brawl Fan fiction. Funny, eh?

**READ**: there is a flashback in this chapter and in this chapter ONLY. (sorry for people who don't like it!)

Disclaimer: I don't own super smash bros.

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"BANKRUPT?" everybody in the smash mansion shouted, in shock. Some had their mouths still opened, long after they said the dreaded word. Others were comforting the old glove.

"I'm so ashamed!" cried Master Hand, in guilt. The large floating hand was repeatedly thinking how idiotic he was. Without money, there would be no cable! No food, no electricity, and no *gasps*… SMASHING! Tears would have flowed out of his eyes, if he had a pair. Slowly, the twins, Popo and Nana were walking up to the depressed Master Hand.

"Umm… Mr. Handy? How are we bankrupt?" asked the wondering Ice climbers in unison, while slightly tilting both of their heads.

"Mr. Handy" stopped crying for a moment, eyeing the twins for a few seconds. He waited until he could speak without bawling his eyes out. A whole minute passed without anyone saying a word, until the infamous glove spoke again.

"Well, Popo and Nana,... I just can't tell you." Master Hand simply spoke.

"What the hell?!? We've been waiting for you to talk for the past, 30 minutes, and all you say is that you can't tell us?!?" yelled Wolf right in Mr. Handy's ear (if he had one), in anger.

"Wolf! Please don't shout-a to the poor-a fellow! He had a rough-a time!" informed Mario, in his, as usual, very annoying Italian accent.

"Mario is right! Master Hand, it's ok to tell us!" Link said, in a comforting voice. "We're your friends, and we don't care if you made a dumb mistake! Am I right? _**GUYS**_?"

The elfish Hylian was replied with yeses, nods of agreement.

The humongous hand was staring at everyone, who was surrounding him. "What wonderful friends I have…" he thought to himself. Master Hand was immediately solaced, and content. He figured by then that he should tell them.

"Well guys… it all started around two hours ago." started Master Hand.

"We KNOW that! Get ON with it!" commanded Ganondorf, annoyed.

"OK OK! Where was I?... Oh yes. I was walking with Crazy Hand; you all know him right? Well, he and I walked down Hugabawagablagadingdongjimabobyhinkydinky Street--" Master Hand said, then suddenly was interrupted.

"Huh? What kind of street is that?" asked Captain Falcon dumbly, while scratching his head.

"Oh. Well, that street isn't important in my most **fantabulous** story. Anyways, I was walking down the street when all of a sudden; Crazy Hand asked me if we should buy some candy in the store in front of us.

Of course, I agreed! When we went in, there was this suspicious man at the counter. He was happy to see Crazy Hand, with this weird sneer…" Master Hand said, though stopping in the middle of a sentence, remembering something.

-Flashback-

"Ey!! It's my fav customa! Yo waz up Craz?" said the man at the counter, sneering at the two identical hands. He had an awful, ganster-ish kind of accent, and his whole store smelled like burning cigarettes.

"Ey!!! Jazz man! Look we need some candy, and I mean _THE_ _CANDY_… do you have some?" asked the insane glove.

"OOhhh… yeah I gots some! How much will ya gives?" replied the strange man.

"Well, ask this man here! He wants to try some!" spoke Crazy Hand happily.

The man with the accent stared at Master Hand for a few seconds to realize that _he_ was the person who Crazy Hand was chattering about. He nodded to the "sane" hand, turned 180 degrees to face a giant shelf with lots of the supposed "candy" in jars, and took one from the highest ledge. Then, he turned to face his valued customers again, and poured a white powder out of the jar he took from the shelf, onto a Kleenex.

"Um… are you sure that's candy?" inquired the old glove.

"Hehehehe…" Crazy Hand and "the man" chickled in an evil way, like villans in a movie.

-End Flashback-

"What the hell? Is he zoned out or something?" Ike said, in a cool voice, while others were trying to make Master Hand snap out of his weird daze.

"Huh? What? Oh sorry… I zoned out for a few seconds!" chuckled Master hand.

"A FEW seconds? More like a WHOLE hour!" Samus remarked.

The zoned out hand apologized to everyone, and continued with his story, and basically telling everything in his flashback.

"Woah… seriously? You just blacked out after they forced to give you that candy? What kind of candy was it?" asked the scared, though adorable, Kirby.

"Well, judging by Hands' description, it seems to sound like crack!" Falco commented.

"Well, it doesn't seem surprising… I mean I blacked out before…" Master Hand realized.

"HUH?" everybody yelled.

"D-…Do you mean that you tried crack before?" asked Pit, with a grossed-out face.

"Uh… well…" Master hand stuttered, and clearing his throat after. "That ISN'T the point right now, because when I checked in our bank account, ALL our money was GONE!" shouted Master Hand, in dismay.

"What! Are you kidding? That means no cable! No food, no electricity, and *gasps* no SMASHING!" shouted the worried Pokemon Trainer.

A few seconds passed. Then a minute, and then another. Every smash character was trying to figure out how they could easily resolve this problem, except for Pokemon Trainer, since he was crying so much that he couldn't buy new pokeballs to catch pokemon.

"I got it!" shouted Diddy Kong happily, knowing that his idea was a good one.

"Tell us how we can solve this mess." ordered Zelda, in a kind voice.

"Ok! Well, since we're out of money, the most logical thingy we should do is get jobs!" suggested Diddy Kong.

"Actually, that-a isn't that-a bad of an idea!" Wario commented on the little monkey's idea.

"It's settled then! All of us get jobs tomorrow!" shouted Master Hand.

Everybody agreed, and was hyped up for what was yet to come.

What will everyone's career be? When will Master Hand stop his crazy crack addiction? When are they going to get enough money? Why is the song, "Money Money Money" stuck in my head?

Tune in next time to FIND OUT! (except for the last question. I have no idea myself.)

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Hope you like. I know I will.

HOOPLAH! (read and review) and please, **_REVIEW_**! No one is reviewing my past fanfics!


	2. Gayness!

Very Gay

Lawlz… I gots one review (and I'm proud of it) even if it's only one review. Thanks uguisumode! Btw, this WHOLE chapter was REALLY gross for me to write, though it's worth it for the laugh! (Thanks to Solid Snake's Aurora, for the amazing facts about the Ike x Pit pairing!)

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"Ike… it's been too long" Pit said, staring into the mans' mysterious, blue eyes. He looked at him in wide eyes, as though he was the only one for him.

"Pit… I… I love you." Ike replied to the smaller boy, with some difficulty speaking, as being nervous and all.

Both slowly closed their eyes, and their faces were getting closer. It was simply… romantic. Like the perfect dream for a yaoi fan girl. Their lips were about to touch, into a passionate kiss, until…

"CUT!" shouted the director, through a loud speaker phone. "Good job guys. Here's your check for the day!"

"SHIT… I can't believe I had to have taken this job…" complained the oh-so cool, and depressed Ike.

"Well, I might not be gay or anything like **Captain Falcon** *long pause*, though this sure brings in the money! Fan girls today loooove our pairing!" commented the winged angel, being very cheerful at the same time.

"Well… I suppose. But I want more money than 150 coins!" Ike complained, yet again.

The two walked along Hugabawagablagadingdongjimabobyhinkydinky street, while trying to find out the other Smashers' jobs were.

While they were walking, Pit looked into a window of a bakery, whose sign read "Café Delights". As anyone would suspect, Pit wasn't surprised to see Kirby in the building filled with mountains of sweets.

"Wow. I can't believe he hasn't gotten fired yet…" thought Pit to himself.

He walked casually inside, only to be shocked by how soundproof the window he looked into was.

"KIRBY STOP ****ING EATING EVERYTHING!" the store owner shouted in the backroom.

"Sorry! It's just that… They're so sweet! You an "AMAZING" baker!" praised the little puffball, while looking so adorably cute, that the owner changed his mood, and suddenly began to smile back to the little cute creampuff.

"Aww… it's ok! You just have a _million_ more cakes while I bake some up more! Business hasn't ever been booming since you, the totally dazzling, cute, awesome, **superespialelousious,** Kirby came along!" shouted the Baker with glee. The Baker ran to the backroom once again, to bake many sweets happily for his next, employee of the month. Pit watched all of this, having a puzzled expression on his face.

"Um… K-Kirby? Uhh… hey. Um… why did he say his business was booming?" asked Pit, being confused and all. (Since the store's profits SHOULD be down, because Kirby ate so many cakes without paying.)

"Oh. Well, it's just that my _cuteness _made everyone come to Café Delights! I'm so irresistible, aren't I?" asked Kirby, hoping to get a compliment from the boy that stood in front of him, with a HUGE emphasis on the word, _cuteness._

"Man… Kirby has such a large ego…" thought Pit, while looking at the dazzling, cute, awesome, **superespialelousious**... *DAN DAN DAN DAN!!!* KIRBY!

After a few minutes of looking "adorably cute", Kirby got his check of 200 coins, left the store, and went with Pit and Ike to see what the other Smashers' jobs were.

"Hey... how does that stupid circle get more money than me--" Ike said, while being interrupted by a falling minivan hitting him.

"I wonder if Diddy Kong is working in a banana sundae store right now…?" wondered Kirby.

"Yeah. That'd be funny." commented Pit. "What about Wario?"

Kirby suddenly shuddered at the thought of the gross fat man's job would be, with his whole spine tingling (if he has one).

"Probably scooping up elephant poop." suggested Kirby. There was a moment of silence, then both of them suddenly burst out laughing, holding their stomachs (Though Kirby doesn't have one, since he's only a head.), except for the blue swordsman.

"Well, it's much better than what I have… I'm GAY in my job!" replied the annoyed and ever so "cool", Ike, still rubbing his sore head from a minivan accident.

Pit suddenly looked hurt at his comment. Why did Ike have to be so mean to him all the time? "He doesn't like me?" he thought to himself, repeatedly, feeling lots of guilt in his heart.

"Well, at least you aren't as gay as **Captain Falcon**." remarked the pink sphere, unaware of how sad Pit was.

"He. That's certainly true. Um… Hey dude, you all right there?" asked Ike, looking at Pit, worryingly, still rubbing his head (for 10 minutes now).

"Yeah… sure… I guess." said the little depressed kid, while his head was looking down at his feet. Ike stopped talking, as well as Kirby. They knew Pit didn't want to be spoken to at this moment.

All three of them walked silently down the street, until Kirby stopped and looked into another store's window.

"Well, lookie here!" he giggled, in a girlie-like voice.

"OH MY GAWD…" shouted Ike and Pit at the same time. There, inside the store, was **Captain Falcon**, in a beauty salon, working.

The three people (well, two being people, one being an adorable little circle,) quickly ran inside, and shouted/ yelled at **Captain Falcon, ***coughs* who is gay *coughs*

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU WORKING AT???"

Captain Falcon stopped brushing a customer's hair, to turn and face the shocked Brawlers.

"Oh, hey y'all. Whatcha doin'? Y'all want a makeover or sumthin'?" asked **Captain Falcon**, in the gayest voice you will ever hear, in your entire life!

Tired of everything that happened in his crappy day; Ike gave the gay **Captain Falcon** the scariest look you will ever get from someone. He was so enraged by everyone and everything, that he took all his anger out on the gay **Captain Falcon**. I mean, who wouldn't? He is gay in his job, he has Pit as his partner, he only got 150 coins, Kirby got a bigger check than him for doing absolutely nothing, then he got hit by a falling minivan, and now **Captain Falcon** is gay!?!

"NO. You listen to me NOW! Quit this shitty job, and work someplace ELSE! If you work here a SECOND longer, I'll be so embarrassed as a Smasher, that I'll PUNCH you where a guy hurts!" threatened Ike, in a scary voice, staring down the gay **Captain Falcon**.

Captain Falcon giggled at Ike's ignorance. "Well gosh y'all! You meanie Ike! You're sooo HAWT when you're mad! I won't be quittin' for nothin'!" replied the gay **Captain Falcon**, in a very preppy voice, smiling like mad.

By then, Kirby and Pit's eyes were twitching, from shock, that **Captain Falcon** was _so_ gay.

Not hearing another word from the gay dude (Haha I didn't say **Captain Falcon**!), he charged into the gayest man in the world, and instead of punching, he kicked him where a man would hurt.

"Oh Ike!" **Captain Falcon** said, while giggling like a girl. "It doesn't hurt at all, since I don't have any ballz!"

Right after he said those words, Kirby was beginning to feel dizzy, tumbled all over the place, and then passed out, from shock.

"Kirby! NOOOOOOO…!!!" cried Pit, being as dramatic as he was while acting with Ike. The angel sat beside the unconscious, though still adorable, Kirby.

Ike stopped beating the crap out of **Captain Falcon**, staring at the sad emo kid crying beside Kirby.

"WHY MUST THE GOOD, DIE YOUNG?!?" Pit screamed at the ceiling, as if there was a god up there.

lol...

lol...

lol...

Will Kirby still be alive? (I know, he's alive since I said he just passed out) Will Pit stop being so overly dramatic? Will Ike stop spazzing all the time? Is Ike and Pit's relationship really true? Does Pit love Ike? (Ew.) Is Captain Falcon gay? (Like, duh.) Tune in next time to FIND OUT!

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Uh. I'm REALLY sick right now, and it's MARCH BREAK! (Sorry for ranting.)

Well, hope you like! I know I do! Also, if you don't really like my cuss words, well why did you read it? It was rated T for Teen…

HOOPLAH!


	3. Butt Infection

Butt Infection

lol

Disclaimer: I don't own SSB.

3rd chapter up! You'll know why the chapter's name is butt infection after you read through it!

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_**Location: Smashers High School**_

"Ok kids. The first lesson for today will be singing the Sm-alphabet!" said Mr. Link, in a happy and cheerful voice.

The classroom was filled with young, immature kids, of all ages. Each of them was sitting in a proper school desk, with various arts the students did on the walls. One of them was a horrible drawing of Mr. Link (obviously done by one of the more idiotic kids.)

"Yes Mr. Link!" shouted the pupils, except of course, for one kid. One _scary_ kid. The most fiercest and dangerous kid in the class, who even Mr. Link was afraid of…

He was… *DAN DAN DAN DAN…* a cute teddy bear!...?

"Uh… uh… T-teddy? Umm… can you also sing the sm-alphabet?" whimpered Mr. Link, with shaking knees, trying his best not to anger the non living creature.

The teddy bear said nothing, just sitting there, like all inanimate objects would do. After that, Mr. Link just broke.

"OH MY GAWD! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!! PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME!" pleaded the frightened teacher, bowing to the stuffed animal, as if worshipping the object. Some students giggled at their stupid teacher, trying their best not to laugh out loud.

Suddenly, Headmistress Daisy came into the classroom, wondering what the noise was. She appeared shocked at how scared Link *coughs* I mean, _Mr. Link_ was. Daisy had short, tomboyish red hair, with a tiara that matches, and a long orange dress, fit for a princess. (I hope you know this Daisy, is from Mario series…)

"Write Link's first name here, LINK! Stop worshipping the stupid toy, and start the class! Our school is getting a bad name because of you!" commanded Daisy, being embarrassed at how Link was acting.

"I'm… I'm SORRY!!! But Teddy… he's TOO SCARY!" cried Link, as if he was a helpless little baby, bawling his eyes out to his mother, (who was Daisy).

Daisy shook her head, chagrined, and disappointed with hiring this sad, useless teacher. All she could do was sigh, and hope Mr. Link would do better. Right after she did though, the bell suddenly rang, telling everyone that school was over for the day.

"Yay! School's over!" shouted the whole class, including Mr. Link, except for Daisy.

All of the students ran out, while the Headmistress gave the scaredy cat teacher, a check for 300 coins.

"Awesome! Thanks chick! I deserve this much money though, since I _bravely _stood up to Teddy!" bragged Link.

"Yeaah… sure. Just get outta my sight, will ya?" said Daisy, being disgusted by Link.

Link quickly ran out, and jumped high in the air, glad that he finally got some money.

"Woohoo! This much money HAS to help us get out of bankruptcy!" said Link, to the sky. He waved to the children, said good bye, and headed down not Hugabawagablagadingdongjimabobyhinkydinky Street, but Booger Street.

Link was moon walking down Booger Street like Michael Jackson, when out of nowhere; someone caught his eye, in a bar. He quickly ran inside the building, and there stood King Dedede and Marth, stripping their clothes off, while lap dancing with a metal pole, like in a common strip club.. (Though this was different, since they were gay guys.) Link thought he was going to be blind forever after looking at the both of them.

"MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!" shouted Link, while his eyes were burning red, with a few salty tears dropping from them. Everyone in the bar heard him, and turned to see the poor nearly blind fellow, including Dedede and Marth. The blue haired boy suddenly blushed, and was shocked that that his friend was there. "Uh oh… Link saw me!" thought Marth. He knew Link was going to tell everyone, and his life would be over! However, Dedede on the other hand, didn't really care. He loved his fatness, since fat to him means sexy. "Oooooooh _right_…" he thought.

Link, or should I say, _Mr. Link_, passed out.

***

"Link…" a voice called out to the sleeping elf, lying on the floor, with his eyes closed.

"LINK…" the voice called out louder. "Mommy, just a few more minutes…" the anonymous voice was replied with. The green swordsman was too lazy to get up. The floor was just so comfortable…

"LINK WHAT THE HELL!!! FREAKING WAKE UP!!!" shouted Marth, right into the Hylian's ear. Suddenly jolting up, being scared by Marth's loud voice screaming right into his ear, Mr. Link looked at the blue haired boy, and asked, "Where am I?"

"You're at Dedede's and my work place right now." replied the innocent man. Link didn't say anything else, but instead, just looked at Marth, being confused, and dazzled at the same time. Marth felt strange, and didn't know why Link was staring at him, so he just stared back, while blushing like mad, until the tunic wearing human spoke again, which was a surprising question.

"Are you a girl or a boy?" Link simply asked.

"WHAT?" was the word Link was replied with.

"ARE – YOU – A – GIRL – OR – A – BOY?" said Link, in precise words, pausing after each one.

"Umm… of course a boy…" the swordsman answered, being puzzled at Link's idiotic question.

"Are you sure? I mean, I know you don't have any boobs… though you look _pretty_ gay, like **Captain Falcon**, *long pause…* no offense." Link commented.

Suddenly, the female looking boy was angered by those words. He was CERTAIN was he wasn't as gay as **Captain Falcon,** the gayest person ever!

Marth then glared at the elfish man, with eyes that want to murder, while Link looked back at him, with a blank stare.

Minutes passed, without anyone saying a word. The whole room was silent, and tense. Obviously, Dedede knew they were going to brawl, so he spoke before they could hurt each other. Guess what he said?

"GUYS I GOT A BUTT INFECTION!" he shouted, breaking the unusual silence.

The two people who were about to brawl, stopped looking at each other, rotated their heads, and looked at the mentally retarded duck. (Or is it a penguin? Or an eagle?)

"…What the hell?..." the both humans said, in unison. Dedede just gave the two humans a sneering grin.

"Oooooooh _right_…" thought the fat duck.

***

"Here you go! 500 smash coins each!" The strip bar owner said, while giving a big, huge check to Dedede and Marth.

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Hope you like. I know I will. By the way, no offense to any Captain Falcon lovers out there. I was just daydreaming of him being totally gay one day, and laughed so hard everybody thought I was weird. And thus, I just HAD to put a gay Captain Falcon into this fan fiction!

HOOPLAH! (My favorite word.)


	4. Desires pt 1

Desires

To all you people who read this, (hopefully), this chapter isn't funny ok? :( well DEAL WITH IT! Also, sorry for the long wait. I get discouraged when nobody freaking, REVIEWS!!

Btw, thanks for whiteninjaalchemist for reviewing. (u rock!)

Disclaimer: I do not own SSB, SSBM, or SSBB.

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Red stood all alone in his apartment, deeply breathing in and out. He just looked at the thing that was in his hand… and was tempted. He wanted it so bad… though he know, it wasn't right. How could something as simple as this, make anyone go this crazy? He continued breathing in and out, and didn't know what to do. In his hand, was a piece of paper. Paper that can be crumpled, teared apart, and put into a garbage can. And no one would ever care. It wasn't an ordinary piece of paper though. It was check, and strangely, he didn't earn it in his job. And how much did it cost? You would ask...

1, 000, 000 C

"Damn it!" the confused man cried. He wanted to have it… so much, but he knew he couldn't. Red was just one of those people, who would be guilty and ashamed so much, if they ever made any sin. But… he needed the money badly. All of his fellow smashers need this money, to get out of bankruptcy. If they don't… none of them could see each other anymore. Super Smash bros. The only game of its kind. Its uniqueness made it so popular to all video-game characters. If you were to be approved, you could meet everyone from different games that you never met before. Without this important game, they could never see each other again, since in the rules, it clearly said that you can only live inside your game series. And he didn't want that. Unfortunately, he _also_ didn't want to take the damned paper. This much coins on one check, _has_ to be important, for it to go somewhere. It might be for a charity, for all he knew! Without this large amount of money, those cancer infected video-game characters, might not make it. The end of poverty might be depended on this one check!

Yes, the million coin check. For some people, it's just a piece of paper. For others, might be a lifesaving miracle. And for Red…

A hard decision.

Suddenly, a there was a series of three distinct knocks at Pokemon Trainer's apartment.

"Can I come in?" asked the unclear voice, being muffled up since it was coming behind the door. Red wondered who it could be. He realized that he was keeping whoever it was, waiting, so he squished the check into his pocket, and told the person to come in.

"It's unlocked." He simply replied to the person on the other side.

The door swiftly opened, and there in the doorway stood Sonic.

"What's up, Red?" the friendly hedgehog asked to the young man.

"Why did you come here?" Red said seriously, ignoring Sonic's question. He didn't want to be interrupted right now. He wanted to think about the check, and what he would do with it. Red didn't have any time to hang out with his friend.

"Well, Peach earlier today, said you looked depressed when going into your apartment. She said hi to you, and you didn't say hi back. What's up with you? Are you all right?" asked the worried Sonic.

Pokemon Trainer remembered that event happening. It was only 10 minutes ago. He was scared Peach would find out about the check he was holding. Fortunately, the female didn't see. He quickly ran into the building, and took the stairs instead of the elevator. Red was afraid, if he were to take the elevator, someone would be in there, and he would have to stand right next to him/her, trying to hide the check. Quickly shaking his head out of that memory, he was back in his room, with Sonic waiting for him to speak. Sonic, was a dear friend of him. They experienced, countless of things. From good things, and to painful things, such as Sonic's birthday party, to the 'big fight'. All in all, they managed to still be friends, and will be, forever. The human finally decided it was right for Sonic to know.

"Sonic? Can I trust you with something, and that you won't tell anybody?"

"Yeah, of course! You can tell me anything! I _am_ your best friend, bro!"

"Well… I found this check" he said, while getting the crumpled up piece of paper, out of his pocket.

"and I didn't exactly get it for my pay at work…"

"Where did you get then?" asked Sonic.

"I found it. And… you must never tell this to anyone. The check's worth 1, 000, 000 C!" the man blurted out to his buddy. It took the hedgehog a few seconds before realizing Red _wasn't_ joking. He really meant it was… a million coins!

"DUDE THAT'S AWESOME! If we check that thing in, we'll get out of bankruptcy, AND have so much more money to spare! We could finally buy that butt infection treatment medicine DeDeDe's been annoying everyone about." the animal remarked.

"No! That's not the point! I mean, I _want_ to cash this baby in, but… it just wouldn't be right. You know what I'm sayin'?" said the perplexed teen. Sonic understood him, and nodded in agreement. Both didn't know what to do. It doesn't seem right to keep that much money, though it _would_ put them out of bankruptcy.

"Well then. Let's pretend it's a loan." said the hedgehog.

"A what?"

"A loan. We cash in the money, and then we pay it all back!"

"You know, that's not such a bad idea. Then, we can get out of bankruptcy sooner, _and_ it really wouldn't be wrong. Though the thing is, who does it belong to?"

"Well the cheque must say." suggested Sonic. Being embarrassed about not thinking that sooner, the hat-wearing trainer, looked at the cheque, and read aloud for Sonic to hear, "To: I.M. Richandyouarenot."

"What the hell kind of name is that?" asked Pokemon Trainer, disgusted by the man's shallow and mean name. –This guy must have a lot of guts and pride to change his name like that…- he thought.

"Man… it's just not fair how he has so much money and we don't!" cried Sonic.

"EVERYONE MOVE OUT QUICKLY QUICKLY!" Fox shouted, after crashing down the door to Pokemon Trainer's apartment, while surprising the two friends. He was holding an unconscious Diddy Kong, with drool coming out of its mouth

"What the hell?" the two people said in unison, while Fox smashed Diddy Kong, onto Red's bed.

"QUICK! YOU! GIVE HIM CPR!" said Fox to Red.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I GIVE A MONKEY CPR!?"

"CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE I POINTED TO FIRST!"

"Guys guys guys! Let's stop fighting! _I'll_ be the one giving him CPR!" said Sonic, breaking the Fox's and human's fight. The blue… thing went on top of Diddy Kong, and instead of giving him CPR, he made out with the unconscious animal.

"WHAT THE F**K!?!" Fox and Pokemon Trainer said together. While Sonic was continuing to make out with the unaware Diddy Kong, both Fox and Red attempted to pull the two kissers apart, to separate them. After a few tugs, they succeeded in doing so.

"What the hell, man? I was just getting to the good part." grumbled Sonic.

"WHAT THE HELL? WE SHOULD BE SAYING THAT TO _YOU_. What kind of psycho, tries to make out with a monkey!?" asked the pilot of the arwing, being appalled by Sonic's demented actions.

"Well, I don't know exactly. You see, my job that I got pays a lot of money, but the bad thing was, was that I had to test out illegal drugs. They let me smoke, inhale, and inject all kinds of cool stuff!" said Sonic happily.

…

…

…

*long silence*

"WTF!?!"

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Well hope you like. I know I will. Next chapter will be a continuation of this current one, so you'll find out what Pokemon trainer's, Fox's, and Diddy Kong's jobs! (You should be happy that Sonic even told you his!)

HOOPLAH! Review please or I shall threaten you with another funny threat. (That's not even seemingly threatening, unless you get embarrassed by doing the chicken dance.)


	5. Desires pt 2

Desires Pt. 2

How long has it been since I updated? Well, whatever. No one even reads this wretched story anyways…

Disclaimer: I do not own SSBB, though I do pwn in them.

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After Sonic was tied down by heavy metal chains onto a chair for the safety of the sleeping Diddy Kong, Fox, and Red, the monkey woke up, sorely rubbing his head endlessly, trying to figure out what happened.  
"Uh… what the heck-y happened?" asked the fazed out monkey. Not wanting to talk about Sonic taking away Diddy's supposedly 'first kiss', Fox said nothing. However, Red did had other plans…  
"DUDE! Sonic MADE OUT with you! AHA HA HA HA HA!!! Man, it was the most funniest thing ever!" Red shouted, laughing so hard that he was on the ground. Diddy Kong just sat on the bed, taking a few seconds, before realizing Red's words.

…

…

…

"WHAT THE F**KING HELL SONIC!!?" screamed the furious monkey, having a murderous and frightening glare in his eyes. He got his ass off the bed, sprinted towards the chained Sonic, and basically kicked the hedgehog's ass…  
Diddy Kong first punched Sonic's right cheek, and then punched the drugged creature in the nose, breaking it. After, he karate chopped right at the poor guy's forehead, and karate _kicked_ him on his face. Sonic by then, was mercifully pleading to the abuser to stop and apologizing like mad, while coughing up blood in the process. Though Diddy Kong didn't stop… and let's just say that Sonic almost died, until Fox and Red held Diddy Kong by his arms, making the monkey incapable of killing Sonic.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING!? He _made out_ with me! I can't just stand back and DO nothing!!!" shrieked the enraged, and now _violent_, Diddy Kong.

"YES YOU CAN! Dude, you freaking almost killed my best bud! And besides, he was high while he did it, so it wasn't his fault!" cried Red. After a few more minutes of Diddy Kong kicking and screaming, while ordering the two people who were grabbing a hold of him, to let him go, he finally gave up. He just breathed heavily, while Fox was trying to calm him down.

"Look Diddy. No one in this room will tell anyone about this. So it's ok. We promise. _**GUYS**_??" asked Fox.

"I like cheese" the high Sonic said.

"Don't worry Diddy, we won't say anything! And if you translate what Sonic just said, 'as long as you don't kick my ass again, I won't tell anyone.''' said Red. Diddy Kong looke at Red. Then at Fox. Then… didn't look at Sonic. Suddenly, Diddy Kong became teary-eyed, being thankful for everyone in this room, except Sonic.

"Guys… I have the best friends in the world, standing right in this room! Except Sonic. *Long pause…* Thanks guys! You guys are the BEST! *long pause* except Sonic." acknowledged the thankful monkey.

"No prob' bro." simply said Pokemon Trainer. Fox said "you're welcome".

"Why not me, the bestestestestest French Chinese take out in the BOX!?" asked Sonic, still delirious.

* * * * *

Fox, Red, and Diddy Kong were waiting for the elevator together. They were getting pretty impatient…

"Man, what's taking so long?" asked Red.

"Dunno" replied Fox.

"Well, did you guyz ever notice that there's a sign thingy beside here on the wall?" wondered Diddy Kong. The sign was to inform people that the elevator was closed. The three simply were feeling pretty moronic and foolish for waiting for over an hour for the elevator. Realizing their mistakes, they quickly ran down the stairs, and out of the lobby, to the outside world.

"Guys, I feel sort of bad for leaving Sonic still tied up to the chair…" said Pokemon Trainer, worryingly thinking about his poor pal.

Fox looked at him confusingly. "Dude, if we didn't, he'd probably scare little children!" Diddy Kong, and Fox laughed at Fox's prediction. Red however, just slightly chuckled. Even if Sonic were to do bad things, he still felt a little bad for his friend though.

–It just doesn't seem right…- thought Red to himself. The three started walking around Smashville, getting hotdogs at a stand, pulling Red out of a dangerous car's way while they were walking down the middle of the road, and basically looking for their fellow smashers.

"Hey. Fox and Diddy? You guys never told me about _your_ jobs before…" Pokemon Trainer commented.

"Well, for me, I'm working at the ice cream parlor a block away." said Diddy Kong.

"And I'm a guy who teaches CPR to people." said Fox. Red became abruptly irritated, thinking about what happened when Diddy Kong was unconscious at the time.

"DUDE THEN WHY COULDN'T YOU GIVE CPR TO DIDDY KONG AT THE TIME?!?" shrieked Red.

"WHAT you guys gave me CPR!?" asked the abhorred mammal.

"No we didn't. Sonic did, but instead of giving you CPR, he made out with you." Fox replied to Diddy, ignoring Red.

"DAMN IT FOX! Don't freaking ignore me! ANSWER ME NOW." commanded the raging human.

"So Red, how are you today?" Fox said, _again_ ignoring Pokemon Trainer's simple order.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN? Did you even LISTEN to what I said!?!"

"Yeah."

"So can you, please answer me?"

"My, oh my. Just look how radiant the sun is today! My ma always said there was beauty all around us. I just noticed _now_ how she was right…"

"LOOK. ANSWER ME, OR… or I'll… OH!!! JUST ANSWER ME!"

"Did you know that anger is just wasting your time? You know Reddie, you really should try to be happy." suggested Fox, smiling like mad.

Pokemon Trainer fainted.

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Hope you like. I know I will.

PLEASE READ THIS: Anyone have any suggestions? Please tell me because I'm bored with this story… I made it _way_ too much of a light read… so please give me some.

HOOPLAH. HOOPLAH. HOOPLAH!!!


	6. Assassin

Ass-Ass-in

OH, EM, GEE! It's been such a long time since I've updated!!! xD BTW, any guesses on what the chapter will be about with the title? (Sorry if all my chapter titles are so random… but they do connect with the chapter!!!)

Disclaimer: I do not own SSBB, SSB, Karate Kid, Karate Kid II, Karate Kid III, and Karate Kid IV: The Next Karate Kid,

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"Mamma mia!" said Mario.

"Here I go again! Ma Ma, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, does it show again?  
My my, just how much I've missed you  
Yes, I've been brokenhearted  
Blue since the day we parted  
Why, why did I ever let you go?  
Mamma mia, now I really know,  
My my, I could never let you go." sang the happy go-lucky man. Everyone was laughing at him.

"Oh… my… mushroom." gasped his brother Luigi. He was shocked to see Mario singing at a bar." Right after Mario sang the last note, he noticed Luigi in a state of shock, and hopped from the bar he was standing on, and walked over to his brother.

"Hey-a Luigi! How's it-a going?" he cheerfully asked.

"… you're not my brother." Luigi simply mumbled, and ran away; Mario yelled 'stop' to him, but it was useless. The green brother thought how Mario could do such an embarrassing thing to shame their blood. Was it just for the money? Or does he like making a fool out of himself?

BANG!

Luigi ran into Meta-Knight rather hardly. Meta-knight instinctively said ouch while plopping onto the ground, and asked Luigi why he wasn't looking where he was going.

"… MARIO EMBARRASSED ME!!" the sad mustachioed (unemployed) brother cried into Meta-Knight's non-existent shoulder. All Meta-knight could do was sigh in pity, and comfort the poor guy.

"Jocund." The masked Kirby stated.

"…What???" questioned Luigi, who stopped crying.

"Jocund!" Meta-knight said.

"I don't-a know what-a you're talking about!"

"J-O-C-U-N-D! Jocund!" Meta-knight spelled out. "It's a word I don't know what it means. It also made you stopped crying." remarked the (possibly) faceless guy.

"YOU ARE VERY WISE, master Meta-Knight!" Luigi praised the 'wise one'.

"From now on, young one, I shall teach you the art, of 'ka-ra-te'!" Meta-knight said, with a stereotypical Japanese accent on 'karate'.

"But first, you must pay me 100 smash coins." Meta-knight said. Luigi gave him 100 smash coins.

*Smash Mansion, garage*

"So, why are we here again?" the student asked.

"We are here, to clean my car." answered the mysterious teacher.

"How does THAT help me know karate? And more importantly, why AM I doing karate?" asked the confused Luigi. Meta-knight took two dirty towels. He put one in each hand.

"Wax on. Wax off." the blue creature said, while waxing on and waxing off the car. He then ordered Luigi to do it. Luigi then quickly realized something.

"Hey Meta-knight? Aren't we copying that famous movie in the 80's with that Miyagi guy and Daniel Larusso, and that movie's name was Karate Ki-" Luigi was interrupted by Meta-knight, who threatened if he didn't wax on and wax off the car, he would slice Luigi's head off.

*Once Luigi finished waxing on and waxing off Meta-knight's car*

"There done!" said the tired Luigi. "By the way, Meta-knight, what's your job that you've found?"

"Scamming people for fake karate lessons." Meta-Knight simply replied.

"Hey… YOU SCAMMED ME-" Luigi was interrupted by Meta-knight slicing Luigi's head off.

"He he he…" Meta-knight laughed. "I'm also an assassin, for a part-time job!"

Suddenly Mario comes in the garage.

"Hey Meta-knight! Is Luigi- MAMMA MIA! What happened to Luigi?!?!" yelped Mario, in surprise to see Luigi decapitated.

"Jocund." Meta-knight said.

"What does-a Jocund mean-" Mario was suddenly interrupted, by Meta-knight's sword severing his head off. Meta-knight proceeded to steal Mario's wallet. _1000 smash coins…_

"He he he…" Meta-knight chuckled, with an evil sneer.

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Stay tuned for the next chapter!!! *Winky face* ;) *end winky face*

HOOPLAH! HOOPLAH! HOOPLAH!


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